Gold Watch
A dim 1980s office at the end of the day. A wall clock reads 4:59. In the foreground a desk holds an open gift box with a glowing gold watch and a half-eaten sheet cake.

Human Resources · Re: your retirement

Thank youfor your service.

$GOLDWATCH is the retirement watch, now a coin. Forty years of loyal service earns you one watch. Hold the button and find out how long that takes.

Buy $GOLDWATCHGo to the time clock

Best: 0 yrs · Retired: 0× · Intern

The time clock · Form 40-W

How long until the watch?

Hold the button to clock in. Every beat is a year at the same desk. Let go and you clock out. Keep going for forty years and Human Resources will present you with something.

Time recorderBadge GW-0001

Attendance
Year0/ 40
Age22
PUNCH CARD0 / 40 years

Press and hold the button, or hold Space or Enter while it is focused.

MEMO · HUMAN RESOURCES

Best run 0 yrsRetired 0×Years served in total 0Rank Intern

Schedule A · The numbers behind the watch

Forty years is a long time.

Four figures from the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics and the Federal Trade Commission. Each one links to where it came from.

BLS · Jan 2026

4.1yrs

The median time U.S. wage and salary workers had spent with their current employer in January 2026.

Read the source

BLS · Jan 2026

9.9yrs

The same figure for workers aged 65 and over, the people closest to a retirement party.

Read the source

FTC Jewelry Guides

0.175µm

The least fine gold the FTC guides allow behind the words gold plate. About 7 millionths of an inch.

Read the source

FTC Jewelry Guides

1/20

The smallest share of an item's weight that the gold layer must make up to call it gold filled.

Read the source

Exhibits A to D · Personnel file

The watch, on the record.

Four true accounts of the retirement watch, what replaced it and how thin the gold is allowed to be. Every exhibit links to its source.

An older man in a brown suit shakes hands with his manager while colleagues applaud and an open box with a gold wristwatch is held out to him.
Exhibit A · The Philadelphia TribuneNewspaper feature

Gold watches went to people with three or four decades at one company.

A feature in The Philadelphia Tribune traced why the retirement gold watch faded. It said the watches went to long-serving employees, typically those with three or four decades at one company. The paper blamed shorter tenures (about five years on average), gold that rose from roughly $34 to $1,600 an ounce, and a weaker bond between employers and workers after mergers and closures.

The watch got expensive. The loyalty got cheaper.

Read the source
A mahogany conference table with engraved golf clubs, a crystal decanter and glasses on a silver tray, an envelope with travel tickets and a boxed gold wristwatch pushed to the side.
Exhibit B · CNN MoneyApr 2000

Companies were already swapping the watch for golf clubs and trips to Japan.

CNN Money's 2000 look at retirement gifts called the gold watch ubiquitous and said wristwatches and clocks were still the most popular choice. It also listed what some employers gave instead: engraved golf clubs, a trip for two to Japan, sterling silver dinnerware and crystal decanters. Microsoft, it said, had no official retirement gift program and relied on informal team gatherings.

No watch. Just a gathering.

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Exhibit C · U.S. Bureau of Labor StatisticsSep 2026 release

In ten years the typical worker's time with one employer has barely moved: about four years.

The BLS measures how long wage and salary workers have been with their current employer. The median was 4.2 years in January 2016 and 4.1 in January 2026, with a low of 3.9 in 2024. For workers aged 65 and over it was 10.3 years in 2016 and 9.9 in 2026.

Forty years is not on the chart.

Read the source
Macro close-up of a gold-plated watch case with the gold worn away at the edge and yellow brass showing through.
Exhibit D · U.S. Federal Trade CommissionGuides, 2018 review

“Gold plate” only has to be 0.175 microns thick.

The FTC's guides for the jewelry industry set minimums for the words on the label. “Gold plate” or “gold electroplate” needs at least 0.175 microns of fine gold, about 7 millionths of an inch. “Heavy gold electroplate” needs 2.5 microns. “Gold filled” is measured by weight: the gold layer must be at least one twentieth of the item.

Gold plate is allowed to be thin.

Read the source

Certificate desk · printed in your browser

Frame the certificate.

Clock in above and your last run is printed here, retired or not. Put a name on it, download it or post it. It is a joke certificate and entitles you to nothing.

Name on the certificate

Please print clearly

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Clock in at the time clock to fill in the certificate.

Notice to employees

  • It is a memecoin. Nothing more.
  • The watch is not gold.
  • Your tenure is not guaranteed.
  • Prices go up and down.
  • Clock in
Exit formHR copy · keep on file
Employee
$GOLDWATCH
Position
Everything
Service
40 years
Gift
One watch (plated)
Notice period
None
Contract
Buy $GOLDWATCHChartX
SignedH. Resources